Backfired
by cheesiecrackers
Summary: Sai's eyes glinted as an idea came to his head. "If you can prove to me that Uchiha Sasuke is gay, I'll pay for all your ramen for a year. But if you lose, you have to go on a date with me." SasuNaru, AU.
1. And so it begins

Hey guys!

I made a few small revisions to the first chapter (nothing major, just fixed a few grammar mistakes and whatnot).

And, to the new readers, hope you guys enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.

* * *

Blue eyes scrunched together with concentration, focusing solely on the onyx haired boy sitting across the room, whom was ignoring the stare that bore into the back of his head with a nonchalance only an Uchiha could achieve.

Naruto furrowed his brows in annoyance. He hadn't taken his eyes off the damn bastard since he had entered the classroom. His hard work, (his eyes were tired now, dammit!), was acknowledged in no way by the stupid, stupid, stupid, stick-in-the-ass-son-of-a-bitch. No eyes meeting as that first homo-spark ignited the hearts of the two adolescent young teens, no sly glance out of the side of his eyes, not even a twitch after being stared at non-stop for, what, nearly an hour now. Absolutely **nothing**!

_Come on… Come on! Have a heart you icy prick, if I lose this bet… _

Naruto shuddered slightly as Sai's smirking face resurfaced in his mind. He gulped in a breath of air, feeling a strong temptation to just scream out the bastard's name and tell the stupid Uchiha to admit that he was a big homo and likes to have penises rammed up his ass (which was probably the reason why the boy's always so cranky anyways).

Playing around with the idea in his head, and deciding it probably wasn't the best way to go about things, he settled on shouting out to the boy and attempting to establish some contact before the period ended (since everyone else was mumbling away anyways).

He took in a huge breath of air, opened his mouth and…

"Sa-"

"Naruto, is there something that's bothering you right now?"

Ah, crap. The mumbling stopped.

"Iie, nothing Iruka-sensei."

"Because, quite frankly, you haven't been listening to my class at all today, and since whatever you've been mumbling under your breath about is much more important than my lecture, why don't you share it with the rest of the class?"

The satisfied brunette blazed with an air of superiority and righteousness, the fire of a dedicated educator burning in his eyes.

"I-it's nothing you need to worry about." Naruto stammered nervously, swatting it away with his hand.

"Well then?"

Naruto quickly sneaked a glance at Sasuke to see if his usual antics had attracted any attention from the stoic boy.

Son of a bitch. Nothing.

"Stupid pain in the ass…"

"_What?_"

Oh no. Quick save quick save quick save…

"Er, I said, Iruka-sensei, I was thinking about _math_. You see, there was this question I didn't really understand before…"

Iruka-sensei looked stunned, but strangely pleased. Naruto flashed a fake smile back at him.

"Well, that's nice to know Naruto. At least you're thinking about something other than those magazines I found in your room the other day…" Iruka paused slightly, his face taking on a slightly pink hue. "Anyways, think about math in math class Naruto. I expect you to focus on my class while you're here."

Naruto turned an affectionate eye on the older man. God, the poor sucker.

"Hai Iruka-sensei!"

"And?"

"I won't use grocery money to buy those magazines again…?"

"No, no! Apologize to the class!"

"Oh. Gomen-nasai!"

"Thank you Naruto. Apology accepted." Iruka nodded his head in acknowledgement before returning to his lecture.

Naruto released a small sigh. Ah. Iruka was usually so gentle and nice, but good God did the man have a stick up his ass when it came to teaching.

Deciding that there really wasn't much to be done at the moment, Naruto's eyes glazed over as he recalled the morning's events...

_Sai watched as Naruto exited the boys' change room, saw the blue eyes roaming the space of the gym before finally landing on his own, and continued to follow the blond as he made his way over towards him. Black eyes quickly imprinted the image of Naruto in his gym shorts (that stopped just above his knees) and took in the nice expanse of tanned flesh for later sketchbook reference. _

"_GAH! Goodness Sai, are you checking me out again? Damn it man, I know I'm unbelievably irresistible and attractive, but it's kind of creeping me out, since I'm not fucking homo and all. (Yeah, that's right, I'm not! Wipe that smirk off your face!) Besides, you know who I like…" He trailed off as his eyes connected with the body of the most attractive girl in school, Sakura-chan, and he quickly wiped away a dribble of drool that slid down his chin._

"_Hmm?" Sai flashed a smile at the salivating blond. "Say something, small penis?" _

"_Fuck!" Naruto exclaimed before slapping a hand over the other boy's mouth, "I told you to stop calling me that! (What if Sakura-chan hears?) You've seen _it_ before, you know Godzuki's pretty freaking big even when I'm not --" _

_Suddenly, Naruto felt a few pairs of rabid yaoi fangirl eyes snapping towards him. _

"_Oh my, Naruto-kun!"_

"'_You've seen it'? How interesting…." _

"_No, no, NO! Wait guys, no, it's not like that! Let me explain! It was a drunken night, we didn't know what we were doing and, well... things happened." The blond chuckled softly at his joke. No one else was smiling. _

_Naruto suddenly felt a few more pairs of hyena-like eyes lock onto him. He had the feeling that if he didn't clear up his (almost painfully) misunderstood joke, immediately, things could get ugly. _

"_Hahaha, no guys, I'm pulling your leg. Just a joke... No, really! I swear to God! What actually happened was that he was making cracks in the change room, so I flashed him to shut him up (wasted, apparently), that's all!" The girls turned their attention to Sai, who shrugged casually._

"_Sure, whatever you say, Naru-koi." _

"_See, I told – no, what? No! Traitor! I'm not gay, really!" The girls giggled. "Go to hell!"_

_The few females that had been close to Naruto-kun took a few steps away. _

"_God, how rude!"_

"_I know, gays these days!" _

"_Augh! Sai! Look at what you did! Now Sakura-chan'll never like me! She'll never tell me she loves me, or scream sounds of pleasure into the night while I use Godzuki to do things I can't describe because this is a T-rated fanfic, and she'll never, ever run into my arms, begging for another night with-"_

_At the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps, Naruto quickly turned around, only to find himself transfixed by the sight of… two gigantic meat buns? _

_No, wait, that can't be right. Those things definitely weren't meat buns; the smooth surface, jiggly quality… _

_Naruto let out a loud gasp as his eyes zoomed out of the two 'meant buns'. Sakura-chan?!_

_Could it be? After years of admiring from afar (jacking off to pictures), have his prayers finally been answered? Was the, unofficially voted, 'girl-most-lay-able' realizing his manly potential and coming to beg for a ride on the 'Uzumaki Express'? _

_Granted, she seemed to be staring just a little bit to the left of him, but who gave a shit with those, er, 'meat buns' bouncing in front of her when she ran? Fucking Baywatch man._

_It all seemed too good to be true, and Naruto felt himself grow a little dizzy. It couldn't be…  
_

_Naruto felt a pink blur pass him. _

"_Sasuke-kun! You're here!"_

_It really couldn't be, could it?_

_Naruto's eyes narrowed, slightly pissed off. _

_Another dream shattered. Bastard. _

"_Stupid shit-head. God he pisses me off. I'm so much more better looking than him," Ignoring Sai, who was sporting a amused grin on his face, Naruto continued, "and, honestly, I swear to God he's gay!"_

_Sai cocked an eyebrow at Naruto, a confused expression on his face._

"_The Uchiha's gay?" _

"_No shit Sai, go get the 'gay-dar' checked man, the boy's obviously had a few too many up his backside. Besides, just look at the way he's treating Sakura! Like she's not even there, which is ridiculous, considering that she's practically pushing herself against him." Sai kept up the amused grin, still not convinced._

"_But Naruto, maybe he just doesn't like her. He's probably looking for the "right one" (according to 'Understanding the Young Adolescent Heart')." _

"_Aha!" Naruto exclaimed, jabbing his finger in Sai's face, ignoring the latter part of his reply. "Exactly! How could any guy _not_ like Sakura? We're fucking sixteen damn it, our hormones are raging, we're supposed to be horny as hell!" Naruto near-shouted. "It makes no sense!"_

"_But he's hardly the type to act like a horny adolescent boy." Naruto pouted at this, thrusting his tongue out at Sai. _

"_Well, whatever. He's gay, I know it Sai, I swear to God!" The artist took in Naruto's defiant form, hands on those delicious tanned hips, chest rising up and down with exhilaration. Sai's eyes glinted as an idea came to his head._

"_W-what's with the look Sai, I know he's gay! I know—"_

"_How about we make this interesting, Naruto-kun? Let's make a bet on it. If you can prove to me that Uchiha Sasuke is gay, by whatever means possible, then I'll pay for all your ramen expenses for a year and I'll promise you a date with Sakura-chan." _

_Naruto's jaw dropped._

"_However," Sai's tongue ran over his upper lip, a mischievous grin forming at the corners of his mouth. "If you lose… Well, since it probably won't happen anyways, let's make it something 'fun', ne?" Naruto narrowed his eyes suspiciously._

"_Hold up, what do you mean by fun?"_

"_If you lose, Naruto, you have to go on a date with me, half-naked. And I get to choose which half."_

_Naruto gasped loudly and staggered back a few steps in surprise, his face now a lovely Kelly-green colour._

"_Hey, that's not fair! That's disgusting, you pervert! I'm not gay, I can't—"_

"_Hmm? Scared you'll _lose_ Naru-koi?"_

"_Don't call me—"_

"_So how 'bout it?" Sai could almost see the storm raging inside the blond's head. Torn between the overwhelming desire to 'defeat all!' and his natural instinct to prevent Sai from seeing any more of his body at all costs, Naruto fidgeted for a while before mustering up his courage and making his reply._

"_Y-yeah! Of course! P-prepare for defeat!" Naruto stuttered, his confidence failing him briefly._

"_You have two weeks."_

"_WHAT?"_

"Naruto?"

"Oh yes, one more bowl of ramen for me please…"

"Naruto?"

"Mhmm, extra large, he's paying…" Naruto let out a small chuckle, still lost in his daydreams.

"Naruto!"

"Gah!" Naruto screamed before promptly falling off his chair. "What the hell Iruka-sensei? You scared the shit out of me!" Naruto's blanched as he took in Iruka-sensei's expression.

"Ah, still in class. Right… I'm sorry?"

"Detention! After school!"

---

Naruto sighed as he made his way towards the history room. Gosh, Iruka-sensei didn't have to be so cruel about it. Besides, now he'll have to figure out something else to do for the Sasuke situation.

Naruto frowned, feeling slightly frustrated. He definitely, so unbelievably, did _not_ want to go through with Sai's conditions (if he lost, that is), but at the rate he's going…

"Argh! Stupid duck-butt Sasuke-teme! He should just come out with it!" Naruto declared to himself, opening the door to the classroom.

"Come out with what, exactly?"

Naruto froze. That voice sounded a bit too familiar…

Slowly turning his head around, he found himself staring at the one and only Uchiha Sasuke.

"S-Sasuke!" Naruto scratched his head casually; driblets of sweat dripping down his neck. _Crap crap crap._ "I was just talking to myself about things that you probably wouldn't care much about…" Naruto trailed off, averting his eyes.

"Hn."

Silence.

"So, Sasuke, what are you doing here anyways? School ended already, shouldn't you be home now? Did you get detention too?" Naruto teased, trying to get a (hopefully homo) reaction out of the Uchiha.

"Iruka asked me to help him mark some papers, dumbass." Sasuke replied, not bothering to look up from the pile of tests on his desk.

"Hey! Who said you could call me dumbass?"

Sasuke, still not looking up from his work, held up a piece of paper in his hand. The writing looked oddly familiar…

Marching over to him, Naruto snatched the paper out of his hands, preparing himself with a list of counter-arguments to use against the Uchiha.

Naruto's eyes narrowed and widened comically, the blood slowly draining out of his features.

_Uzumaki Naruto – 17%_.

Oh.

Sasuke smirked.

"Anything else, dobe?" Naruto felt himself flush.

"Well, that's just one tiny little test, and a test is just a test, I mean, who the hell gives a crap about those in the real world, huh? I'm sure the… well, I'm sure nobody gives a crap about them! And I'm know gay people don't either…" Naruto trailed off there, trying to see if his 'sneak' attack made any impact on the Uchiha.

Sasuke merely quirked up an eyebrow at the blond before once again turning his attention back to the work at hand.

"So, Sasuke, what do you think about gays?" Another cleverly disguised 'subtle' attack.

No reply was made, so Naruto decided to trudge on with this line of questioning, leaning on Sasuke's desk.

"Because, you know, I don't mind homos! I think they're good people, really, well, except for some of them, who are really bitchy ice-pricks, but I'm sure they can change if they just unleashed their emotions, _confessed_ to the world (or at least all the people at school), you know? I think that all gays should get a boyfriend, and bring them to school." Naruto continued to ramble on, gesturing wildly with his hands as he became more and more impassioned in his speech.

"Now that we've had a nice chat about all of this," Naruto sauntered on, not at all bothered by the fact that the Uchiha had yet to participate in the conversation, "anything you'd like to confess? You can trust me, dattebayo!"

"Naruto…" Sasuke began, slowly looking up from his papers.

The blond quickly focused his attention on the onyx haired boy, mistaking an expression of annoyance for one preparing for a pained-confession.

"Yes, yes, go on!" Naruto leaned forward eagerly, tipping his chair forward so that his whole upper body leaned over Sasuke's desk.

"You're really loud, and annoying, so please shut up. I don't know if you're trying to confess to me, or what, but I'm not interested."

"Hey you bastard, I was just trying to help you come out… Wait. What?" Naruto's eyes widened, his brain finally comprehending what the Uchiha had said. "No, it's not like that, I'm not gay!"

Naruto shook his head back and forth frantically, leaning more forward in his chair.

"I'm not gay, not me! You're the one who's supposed to be—"

Naruto was cut off as his chair gave out beneath him, sending him crashing down on the floor.

"Augh, fuck! Ow ow ow ow!"

The Uchiha smirked. "Dobe."

Naruto felt his annoyance reach an all-time high, the humiliation and pain (oh God his ass hurt) only fueling the fire. He picked himself up off the floor slowly, and limped around the desks so that he was standing beside Sasuke's chair.

"You know what you bastard? I was trying to be the good guy by giving you a chance to confess and all, but you're so fucking rude to me! God, at least I was making an effort, but now, no more Mr. Nice-guy!" Naruto shouted. "Hey, look at me when I'm talking at least!"

Sasuke didn't take his eyes off his papers. Naruto sent a fist flying towards Sasuke.

A chair scraped against the floor, and Naruto found himself pressed against the wall, his small fist caught in Sasuke's hand. Sasuke was taller than him by half a head, but Naruto managed to stare up at him in defiance nonetheless.

"Let go of me, asshole!"

Silence. Eyes were locked together in a heated glare.

"I said, _let go of me_ n—"

Naruto felt soft lips press harshly against his own, and then they were gone again.

"Urusai."

* * *

Ohoho! Whacha doing there, Sasuke-kun? :D

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter!

Tata!


	2. We learn something new each day

Hi guys!

I just wanted to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!! I was really happy the first chapter had received so much attention, so I'll try to update as fast as I can!

Oh, and, I realized I forgot to explain this last time, but

Urusai means Shut up (Please tell me if I got this wrong, so I can change it.)

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH AGAIN! Happy reading!

* * *

Naruto fidgeted in his chair, annoyed at all the attention he was receiving. Annoyed at all the mumbling that was directed at him. Annoyed at one, big, gay, kiss-stealing bastard.

Well, at least this meant that he was going to get his ramen now... and Sakura-chan. Woopdeedoo.

He frowned. What was wrong? He got the bastard to do something gay, a little too gay, a little too much of 'Naruto' involved in there, but whatever. Right? He had a date to look forward to now! What happened before was not a big deal.

Sure, he had his first kiss stolen.

Sure, he had been saving his first kiss for, oh, I don't know, something with bigger breasts (and I'm not talking man-boobs guys).

But whatever, right? Just forgive and forget, that was the Uzumaki motto!

There was this one tiny problem left; the stupid bastard hadn't stopped staring at him since he came into class. He'd considered skipping, but he didn't want to seem like a coward (which he was regretting very much now), and the worried-nagging he would receive from Iruka-sensei later on just wasn't worth it.

_If he could just stop staring._

"What do you think happened between the two? Just look at the bruise on Sasuke-kun's cheek! You think they got into a fight or something?"

"I dunno, but look at the way Sasuke's glaring at him! It's like he's never seen anything like him before! He definitely looks interested, but I can't tell in what way…"

"Naruto's feelings are pretty clear though. Look at that killing-intent rolling off him! Crazy stuff."

Naruto's eyes twitched in annoyance. He definitely didn't need this right now.

"Iruka-sensei, may I be excused? I need to go to the washroom."

Iruka coughed softly, not missing the 'interaction' between his two most interesting students. Naruto the idiot and Sasuke the… well… Sasuke.

"You're excused. But please hurry up, the lesson's about to start." Naruto nodded before exiting the room.

Thank Kami.

He made a bee-line for the boys' washroom, locked the doors behind him, and collapsed against the wall.

This was no big deal! He shouldn't be freaking out about this! It was just a kiss! He did get to punch the asshole afterwords, so he got his revenge! Besides, all of the guys in his grade lost their first kiss already (granted, not to another guy), hell, most of them probably lost their virginity already! This didn't bother him, _at all._

Naruto felt his expression sour as he noted the number of exclamation points in that sentence.

No big deal my ass. It was his first kiss, for God's sake!

I mean, granted, Uzumaki's aren't little girls who cry over this sort of thing, but, really! His _first_ kiss!

Naruto moved away from the wall, sucked in a big breath and puffed his chest out. He would just deny that this ever, ever happened, and avoid the Uchiha for the rest of his life. He'll become one of those wanderer things, girls dig that, right?

"Oi, dobe. Open up." The blond blanched, the air slipping out of him like a deflating balloon. Oh no. Why was he here? This was conflicting with his plan!

"Wh-wh-what do you want?"

"Iruka-sensei told me to come and get you. Class is starting."

"I-I'm going to be a while, so, just tell him... I have diarhea!" Naruto mentally congratulated himself on the good save. _Nobody_ wanted to talk to long with someone who has diarhea! "And the explosive kind too, so just, stay away, Sasuke!" Naruto made a few loud farting noises with his mouth.

Now all he needed to do was wait until the bastard leaves and quickly sneak out of the boys washroom.

"Sasuke-kun, what was that noise?" Naruto blanched. Sakura-chan?!

Sasuke didn't reply, and Naruto silently thanked the gods that Sasuke was the stuck-up bastard that he was.

"Well, what are you doing here, Sasuke-kun?"

"Iruka-sensei wants Naruto in class."

"Naruto? What're you talking about Sasuke-kun, what..." Sakura threw a quick look at the boys washroom. "Eeeew, that's gross Sasuke-kun! What's he doing- Oh my God, was he making that noise? Eeeeeewww, how disgusting! I'm going!"

Naruto's jaw dropped, the situation slowly registering in his head. Sakura-chan. Explosive diarhea. _Mouth farts_.

Naruto quickly moved to unlock the door, ripping it open in one swift motion and nearly smacking into an amused Uchiha's chest.

"Where's Sakura-chan?!" Naruto bit out, not meeting the Uchiha's eyes. Sasuke stayed put, leaning against the door frame. An amused smirk played around the corners of his face.

"Move! I have to go... Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted.

Feeling more than a bit annoyed now, Naruto decided to just force his way out. He pushed the onyx-haired boy aside, and was about to make a run for it when he found himself being spun around by the wrist and pinned against the wall. Again.

De ja vu much?

"She's gone already." Sasuke replied calmly. "Explosive diarhea?" Naruto blushed furiously.

"What do you want, teme?"

"I don't believe we were quite finished yesterday." Sasuke murmured, bending down slightly so that his mouth was beside Naruto's ear. "If I remember correctly, you punched me, and left."

"That's because you kissed me!" Naruto blurted, struggling against the Uchiha's grip, trying to ignore the feel of the hot breath against his ear.

Sasuke frowned.

"You wouldn't shut up."

"But you _kissed_ me!" Naruto hissed at the taller man. "We're two guys!"

"So?"

"_So?! _ So it was my first kiss you stupid bastard!" Naruto realized his mistake too late, his mouth hung agape slightly at what he'd just admitted. He wanted to die.

The Uchiha's smirk widened.

"Your first kiss?"

"No! That's not what I meant! What I meant was that it was my first kiss with a guy!" Naruto mentally congratulated himself on the good save. "Yeah, that's right! First kiss with a guy!"

"You're lying." Sasuke replied, matter-of-factly.

"I am not! Besides, it doesn't change the fact that you kissed me! You're a guy! We're both guys! You _kissed_ me! Couldn't you have done something else to shut me up?"

"My hands were full."

"_You kissed me!_"

"Not really." Naruto's eyes widened and he stared at the bastard, slightly stunned. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke.

"Not really?! What the hell do you mean not rea-"

"Kiss me."

"What?"

"Kiss me." Naruto was absolutely fuming now. The stupid bastard was playing with him.

"Fuck off! Over my dead bo-"

"You're annoying."

Sasuke's lips descended on Naruto's again, muffling the rest of the blond's protests.

Naruto pushed vainly against the Uchiha's chest, trying to get the taller boy off him. Onyx eyes burned into azure ones as Sasuke worked on Naruto's lips slowly, sensually, before sliding his tongue in the other boy's mouth.

Naruto stopped struggling.

And then all Naruto could feel was heat; burning, spreading heat that coiled around his stomach and reached out to the tips of his toes.

Sasuke pressed Naruto's body against the wall, his own body covering the petite blond's. Naruto pulled against Sasuke's shirt, drawing him closer, wanting more of the delicious feeling that was curling around his stomach. Sasuke pushed his leg between Naruto's thighs and the blond moaned loudly.

Naruto thought he could feel Sasuke smirking against his lips. Feeling strangely annoyed at this, and pressed his lips harder against the Uchiha's, entangling his own tongue with that of the intruder's, eliciting a moan from the raven.

Slowly, Sasuke pulled his lips from Naruto's, and bent over so that his mouth was beside the blond's ear again. He traced the shell of his ear with his tongue, earning another moan from Naruto, and murmured something to the blond.

Naruto froze; a cold chill slithered down his spine. The heat was gone.

And then everything hit him full force, what was happening, what he was doing, their position... _Sasuke's leg between his thighs._

Letting out a strangled sound of embarrassment, Naruto pushed the still-smirking Uchiha off him and ran away, flushing furiously.

"_That was a real kiss, dobe."_

---

Sai watched in confusion as his usually hyperactive and loud 'bff' moped around the gym, staring absentmindedly at various spots on the gym wall, muttering (what seemed to be curses) under his breath.

"Can't believe…. So stupid…. Getting played with like that…"

Sai frowned. He may not be very gifted with emotions and all that crap, but he thought it was quite obvious that the blond was rather upset.

Sai decided to go check out the situation.

"Ohayo, Naruto-kun!"

"Unbelievable… Abuser, harasser… Rapist! I bet I can sue him for this."

"Naruto-kun?"

"The next time I meet him… Rip it right off… Hope it gets stuck up his ass…"

"Naruto-kun!"

"Gyah! Sai, what are you doing? Sneaking up behind me like that, scared me there…" Naruto mumbled sheepishly, vaguely scratching the back of his head.

"How was your day, Naru-chan?" Sai flashed a small smile at the suddenly tense blond. "Anything interesting happen?"

"N-no. Same old. Kinda boring; very normal." Naruto erupted in nervous laughter, not meeting Sai's eyes.

_Yeah. Nothing interesting. I just made out with a guy. Humped his leg a little. Same old, same old. _

"I see…" Sai replied, not believing the blond one bit. "So, how's the bet going? Any progress with Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto's legs wobbled. Sai unleashed a triumphant smirk. _ Hit the nail on the head…_

"Eeeh, well, not-not much. I mean, I really don't think we should be discussing our, er, progress with the other enemies, you know!" Sai arched a brow. Enemies?

Naruto cleared his throat loudly.

"Things are going great Sai! Prepare to lose! Hahahaa-Ah! Will you look at that, i-is that Iruka-sensei calling me? Why, I think it is! Well, gotta go! Cya later!" However, before the blond could make his quick escape, he felt a hand clamp down on his wrist.

Good lord, too slow again. He was really going to have to start practicing escaping from this sort of thing…

"What happened Naruto?" The blond gulped loudly. Sai was onto him. "Did he hurt you?"

"Haha, no no, nothing like that Sai… Gosh, why so serious?" Naruto let out a peal of nervous laughter at his poor attempt at a joke.

"Tell me what happened, Naruto." The blond felt himself soften up at the concerned tone in his friend's voice; Sai was just worried about him. Maybe it won't be bad to tell him what happened... Well, a rough sketch of it, that is.

"Well," Naruto began; licking his lips nervously, "he's definitely gay."

"How do you—"

"He… he might have kissed me." Sai felt his chest tighten painfully.

"He kissed you?" Naruto stared anxiously back at Sai. The slim boy's face was unusually emotionless, even without the typical fake smile he put up. And…Naruto felt his eyes widen. Was that… was that jealousy? He stared into the boy's eyes… Nothing. Maybe a hint of worry, but nothing else. Naruto would've laughed at himself had the situation not been so serious. Like Sai would be jealous, I mean, sure he played around a lot with Naruto, but he didn't actually feel anything for the blond beyond friendship, and Naruto knew that.

Silly silly…

"Y-yeah… it was really stupid though. I was trying to get him to come out with the whole gay thing, and he just did it to shut me up…" Naruto couldn't believe he was using the Uchiha's excuse to defend himself. Funny how things turned out.

"When… did he kiss you?" Naruto thought Sai's voice sounded a bit strangled, but brushed it off quickly. Sai was just worried about him, as a friend, that's all.

"Last night." Naruto felt that it was probably best not to mention his kiss (and other unmentionable doings) with Sasuke in the halls today. Ever. "It wasn't even a kiss; he just kinda brushed his lips against mine." Oh, the irony.

"Do you like him?" Naruto stared up at the boy in incredulity.

"Are you retarded, Sai? I hate the bastard's guts, okay? I hope he dies and rots in hell, and when he rots, he can go… rot even more! " Naruto shouted at his friend, waving his free hand around in an attempt to emphasize his point. "Understand? I hate him, I absolutely _hate_ him! Besides, you know I'm not gay! I'm just doing this for the ramen (and Sakura-chan) of course!"

Sai couldn't explain it; while the blond's declaration of hate towards the Uchiha was comforting in some ways, it wasn't Naruto he didn't trust…

Getting slightly agitated over his own feelings, Sai pulled the blond against his chest, and wrapped his arms around Naruto's body.

"Don't get too close to him, okay Naru-koi? I don't want anyone to steal you away from me." Sai teased, expecting the blond to pull out of his arms with an embarrassed remark. Nothing happened. And then…

Sai felt his eyes widen in shock. Naruto's arms were circling around him?! He was returning his hug? What did this mean…?

"Sai…"

"Hai, Naruto-kun?" Sai felt himself tense. Was this it? Maybe Naruto-kun wasn't as dense as he looked; maybe he understood something about Sai's feelings that he wasn't too sure of himself…

"You're so stupid!" _Eh?_ "Don't worry about crap like that, we'll always be best friends! Nothing'll change that! God man, you had me all worked up there for a second, I thought you were going to confess or something." Naruto laughed to himself before pulling out of Sai's arms and slapping the boy a few times on the back.

Sai couldn't decide whether he wanted to rape the blond, or kill him.

"Well, I guess this means I win! Haha!" Naruto pumped a fist in the air, grinning triumphantly at Sai.

"Hmm?"

"The bet! Sasuke's gay!" This time, it was Sai's turn to smile.

"Do you have any proof, Naru-koi?" Naruto blanched.

"Well, of course! Didn't I just tell you what the stupid bastard did?!"

It worried Naruto that Sai hadn't stopped smiling.

"Do you have any _visible_ proof?" Naruto's jaw dropped.

"B-but, you just- I….Our whole conversation!"

"For all I know, Naruto-kun, you could've made all this stuff up." Sai smiled innocently at the blond.

"I didn't! You know that! Uzumaki's never lie! We may twist around the truth occasionally, but never full-out lie!"

Sai kept smiling.

"AUGH! Damn you, Sai! Damn you! Fine, you want proof? I'll get you proof, one way or another! You just wait!" Naruto shouted back at him before stomping off to the boys' change-room, swearing under his breath.

Sai stood rooted to the spot. It suddenly dawned on him that he might've just sent his friend straight into the lion's den.

* * *

GASP! Poor Naruto-kun, had his first (and second) kiss stolen, with nothing as payment.

Hope you guys enjoyed the second chapter! I'll try to update a.s.a.p!


	3. You've got to be kidding me

Hey guys! Sorry for extremely (pathetically) slow update, there's just been ALOT of tests and projects and shit, and... yes.

Well, here's the new chapter! Sorry for the shortness, I'll make it up in the next chapter, promise. (cough)

I don't own Naruto or any of the characters/plotlines in it.

* * *

Naruto quickly slipped out of his gym uniform before exiting the change-rooms and making his way towards the lockers.

While his conversation with Sai _had_ cheered him up a bit, the fact that he had nothing as repayment for all the… 'acts' he had been forced (yes forced) into doing with the Uchiha because of the bet (only _pretended_ to enjoy too, mind you) had been pointless.

There was no 'proof'.

Naruto grumbled loudly under his breath. Stupid Sai. Was Naruto's suffering and pain not enough as proof? Sai had to know he was telling the truth, he was probably just playing with him! And to think that the blond had even expected to be offered some sympathy ramen by the seemingly considerate boy, what with the hug and all. Boy was he wrong.

Naruto let out a loud sigh. How was he going to prove this?

The blond-molesting Uchiha was seriously about as gay as they get, and if it were anyone else, Naruto would probably be laughing at himself for stressing out over this at all. However, this was no ordinary gay. This was a gay _Uchiha_.

A video was out of the question (if only for the possibility that the Uchiha would most likely interpret it the wrong way, and enjoy it), an audio tape would be pointless, since the Uchiha wasn't likely to just randomly say things like "I'm Uchiha Sasuke and I'm gay" out into the blue.

Still deep in thought, Naruto did not notice the male leaning casually against his locker until he'd walked right into him.

"Maybe if I were to bandage him up – GAH!" Naruto exclaimed before slamming into the hard chest and falling unceremoniously onto the floor, landing on his still-sore bottom.

"Fucking son of a bitch! This is ridiculous, three fucking times now! Augh God, what the fuck is your problem man, don't stand in front of someone's locker like that! I swear, if you do that again I'm gonna-"

"Going to _what,_ dobe?" Naruto froze in the act of standing up, his mouth hung slightly agape.

The bastard _again_? He really was getting too much Uchiha exposure.

Thinking quick this time, he quickly fell back a few steps so he was out of the raven's reach. Cerulean eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What do _you_ want, teme?" Sasuke smirked. Naruto took another step backwards.

"No need to be so scared, idiot. I just came to talk." Naruto stayed silent, muscles tightening as he prepared for a quick escape.

"Are you that scared of me, baka?" Naruto growled at this.

"No freaking way! Like I'd be scared of someone like you, you big bastard!" Sasuke took a few steps forward. "Hey! HEY! Stay back!"

"As you were saying?"

Naruto blushed slightly. His big-strong-heterosexual man image wasn't coming off too well.

"Just, stay away! What do you want?" Naruto repeated. Sasuke stared into the blond's eyes for a few seconds in contemplation before answering.

"Go out with me."

"_What?_" Naruto felt is jaw drop. Out of all the things, _that_ was definitely not what he'd expected to here. Maybe something along the lines of "I'm so sorry! Forgive me for being so gay!" or "I've come to teach you how gay men pleasure each other", but definitely, definitely not this.

Naruto felt his face heat up. Sasuke unleashed a confident smirk. Too easy.

"Are you fucking out of your mind?"

It was Sasuke's turn to be slightly surprised now. After the kiss with the blond this morning, he was sure the blond would happily agree (if not without some measure of protesting in the beginning). This reaction was definitely not part of his calculations. However, being an Uchiha, he was always prepared for the unexpected.

"Do I look like I'm joking, dumbass?" Naruto felt his heartbeat quicken. Oh my God what the _Fuck. _What was happening to him? Doki Doki?! Next thing you know he'll probably be giggling for no reason while holding hands with his _bffs_. Had Sasuke not been there, the blond would've stuck his hand down his pants to see if his balls were still there.

Clearing his throat loudly, Naruto quickly threw out the first thing in his head.

"I'm not gay!" Okay. Blatant, obvious, a little overused, but okay.

"You kissed me back."

"Only because it felt good, you bastard!"

Silence.

Oh my God. Oh my God. _Oh. My. God._

Naruto stood there, rooted to the spot, absolutely mortified. He did not just say that.

That absolutely did not happen. He quickly threw a look at the Uchiha, hoping, praying that perhaps (by some miracle) Sasuke did not hear it - his exceptionally, oddly, retardedly loud confession.

The smirk on the raven's face had widened to new, unbelievable lengths.

Naruto ran for it.

-----

The blond awoke the next morning covered in a sweat of panic. His dreams had all revolved around him and Sasuke. Him and Sasuke on their first date, Sasuke proposing, Iruka-sensei giving off Naruto at their marriage ceremony, their first fucking child…

Naruto shuddered violently.

He could not go to school today. He simply couldn't. He'll never be able to go to school, ever again. He'll just have to move to Mexico, change his name to Federico, and make a living off making piñatas. He'd never be able to see Sakura-chan again, never be teased by Sai again, never eat another bowl of Irchiraku ra-… ra-…

Naruto couldn't finish the last thought. It was simply too painful.

"Naruto, get out of bed now! It's nine o'clock already, you're going to be late for school!"

"I-I can't go today Iruka! I, I don't feel well!" Naruto stuttered. Iruka quickly peeked out at the blond from behind the door. Seeing the blond snuggled tightly in his covers, the very image of health itself, Iruka dispelled his worries.

"So is this a 'I don't feel well' as in, I forgot to do my homework and my professors are going to skin me, or 'I don't feel well' as in you don't feel like going to school today?" Naruto faked an overly dramatic gasp at this.

"Iruka-sensei! How could you? Like I would do something as low as that! I feel really really bad today! My stomach's hurting really bad, I feel like I'm heating up, I'm developing a cough (Naruto hacked two over-exaggerated coughs at this point), I feel a lump on my chest, and I think I'm slightly constipated!"

"I expect you out and dressed in fifteen minutes Naruto. I'll be waiting in the car." Iruka shouted at Naruto before leaving and slamming the garage door shut. Naruto panicked.

"Iruka-senseiiii!!"

---

Forty-five minutes later, Naruto found himself shouting out protests as he was violently dragged by the arm into the classroom.

"NononononononononoNO! IRUKA-SENSEI! I TOLD YOU I CAN'T GO! NANDE IRUKA-SENSEI? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Naruto shouted, tears squeezing out of his tightly shut eyes. Iruka flinched slightly as Naruto continued screaming.

"I WON'T I WON'T I-" Naruto quickly cut himself off as he realized that he was no longer being dragged. Cracking one eye open, he found himself staring into thirty other pairs of eyes.

Flushing from the tip of his toes to the top his head, Naruto quickly mumbled something under his breath and scrambled towards his seat, determinedly avoiding eye contact with everyone in the class. Especially a certain someone…

Iruka cleared his throat loudly, reclaiming the class' attention. However, before he could

start the lesson, a knock came at the door.

"Ah, er, Hatake-san? What is it?" Iruka-san flustered as 'Hatake-san' blew him a kiss from underneath his muffler.

"Ohayo!" The silver haired man gave a quick wave to the class. "There's actually going to be a new student today. Come on, go introduce yourself."

A red-haired boy stepped into the room. Jade-coloured eyes scanned the silent room.

"Come now, don't be shy. Why don't you tell us your name?" Iruka urged kindly.

"My name… is Gaara." There was a loud screeching sound as a chair scraped against the ground. All eyes turned towards the source of the noise.

"Gaara! Holy crap! It's you! I can't believe it!" Naruto shrieked before pouncing the redhead. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? When did you get here?" Gaara couldn't help a small smile at the bond's affection.

Suddenly getting the feeling he was being watched (and not in a pleasant way), Gaara quickly scanned the room before his eyes landed on those of a certain black-haired boys. Quirking an eyebrow at the intense glare directed at him, Gaara returned his attention to the blond in his arms.

"… and so I was thinking that we can go out to the arcades and stuff like we used to, and I can show you around the school! How 'bout it?" Naruto quickly jumped up, and stretched out the hand for Gaara.

Taking the blond's hand, Gaara quickly pulled himself up. He felt a sense of peace at being so close to the energetic blond again, though he was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable with the many pairs of eyes glued to his face.

Naruto quickly took the other boy's hand and dragged him towards the empty seat beside his own.

"Alright, settle down everyone! Let's start taking up the homework from last night, shall we?" Iruka stated before pulling out the attendance.

"Hmm… let's see. Naruto, why don't you answer the first question for us?" Naruto blanched.

"Er, well, you see, Iruka… sensei." A vein on the brunette's head throbbed dangerously. "I'm… well, that is to say… sorry?"

"NARUTO!"

----

As the bell rang for lunch, everyone excitedly ripped out their lunches from their bags, and the loud chattering erupted.

"Did you see the new student?"

"Yeah! He looks so cool! Have you seen his hair? Red! Man, I wonder if he's like, a rebel or something."

"Definitely! He's really handsome looking too, such a shame I have a boyfriend already."

"I wonder what his connection to Naruto is… should we ask him?"

And such was the general direction of the conversation. Was Gaara nice? Did he have a girlfriend? Was he gay? What's his relationship with Naruto, and a few daring students crowded around the two's desks, firing a flood of non-stop questions at them.

"Naruto-kun, how do you know Gaara-kun?"

"Well, we actually met in elementary school, but Gaara moved so-"

"Naruto-kun, why is Gaara's hair red?"

"What do you mean? He was born like that…"

"Kyaah! How cool! Does he have a girlfriend Naruto-kun?"

"I don't know, ask him yourself, will you?"

There was a moment of silence as the flow of conversation abruptly stopped, and everyone turned to focus their attention on Gaara. The redhead stared out the window in silence.

"Gaaah! Naruto-kun! He's sooooo cool! Introduce us, introduce us!"

"Is he like, an outcast or something? A wonderer maybe?"

"God, he's so hot!"

Nearing the end of his nerves, Naruto quickly stood up from his desk.

"Come on Gaara, let's go somewhere else." Pulling the new 'class-celebrity' behind him, he quickly ran out of the room.

Disappointed female moans went up around the room. Dammit. Another gay. Oh well, you get what you get…

After a few minutes, the conversation slowly changed topics, the students abandoning their unanswered questions of Gaara.

The only person that had remained silent throughout this whole exchange was one very annoyed Uchiha.

* * *

Dundundun! A love rectangle, perhaps?!

....

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist bringing Gaara in too. It's just that... well, Naruto makes such an amazing gay, he goes with (almost) EVERYone.

Oh, and, by the way, Nande means 'Why' and 'Dokidoki' is the Japanese sfx for the sound your heart makes when it's beating loudly. (Please tell me if I got any of these wrong, TY!)

WELL, hope you guys enjoyed the short update!

Tata~


	4. What now?

Here's the new chapter guys! Hope you guys enjoy!

Thank you guys SO unbelievably much for the reviews, and not to sound too self-centered, but God they make me feel good. Heh.

Anyways, I'm going to try my best to update every one or two weeks, 'cause it's getting rather stressful with all the stupid grade 12 math.

Ugh.

OH, and, I am in **_desperate_ **need of a BETA, so if you know any good ones, or BETA stories yourself, PLEASE, please, TALK TO ME! : D Arigatou gozaimasu! (Lol, poor attempt at japanese)

Happy reading!

* * *

Gaara followed wordlessly as the blond dragged him around by the arm, pointing out various places they passed by to the brunette as they made their way towards an unknown destination.

"… And that over there's the school library, I've actually never, uh, seen the inside, but it's supposed to be all quiet and stuff, so I think you'll like it…" The blond rambled on, pulling at the other boy's arm relentlessly.

After making their way up a few sets of stairs, Gaara found himself sitting beside Naruto on the school's terrace. The blond sighed contently as he leaned his head back against the wall.

"Ne, Gaara, if you don't mind me asking, why did you come back?"

The redhead paused slightly before answering.

"Temari and Kankuro both went to the States for college, there wasn't any point in staying there anymore."

"I see… Well, where are you staying now?"

"An apartment."

A smile broke through the blonds face as an idea came to his head.

"Hey, Gaara, why don't you come stay with me and Iruka-sensei? It'll be just like the old times! Yeah, yeah, let's do it, it'll be so much fun! What do you say?" Naruto grinned from ear to ear, his whole body tensing up in excitement and anticipation.

Gaara unleashed a rare smile at the blond's behaviour. So childlike…

"That'd be good."

Exclaiming loudly in victory, Naruto quickly began to lay down a set of house rules for the bemused redhead.

"You'll be sharing a room with me, of course, 'cause you probably don't want to be in Iruka's room, especially when Kakashi-sensei comes over. They make a hell of a lot of noise when they do their wrestling thing, all the groaning and moaning and whatnot, and make sure you don't peek in, 'cause Iruka gets really pissed off when you do that."

Gaara arched a brow at this. Iruka and Kakashi. Weird.

"Oh, before I forget, I keep my ramen stacked up in my closet, in a box behind my orange shirts, so if you're hungry, you have my express permission to take one! But don't tell Iruka 'bout this, he thought he took away everything when he found the packs I taped behind the toilette." The blond let out a deranged laugh as he said this, and Gaara took note to go eat out if he was ever hungry.

Naruto sauntered on for a few more minutes before running out of subjects to discuss with the redhead, and the two fell into a comfortable silence.

As Naruto stared into the clouds, his mind drifted to the last conversation he had with the Uchiha.

"_Go out with me."_

The blond shook his head vigorously as a blush threatened to envelop his face.

Gaara observed these transitions with curiosity, wondering what the other boy was thinking about. He decided to wait in silence, or at least until the blond decided to confess his troubles of his own accord…

"Uhm, Gaara." And there it was. "I was wondering, if I could ask you, this hypothetical question."

Gaara looked the blond in the eye, and Naruto took that as permission to continue.

"Now, keeping in mind that this is all, very, very hypothetical, and no part of this has anything to do with anyone that you know. Or I know. Yeah." Naruto paused slightly; looking to make sure that Gaara understood all of this before continuing. "So, um, let's say, friend A made a bet with friend B that this other guy, we'll call him 'ass-tard', was gay."

Gaara had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"Anyways, the terms of the bet were that if friend A won, he'd get a lot of ramen and a date with this really hot girl, but if he lost he'd have to go out with friend B. Of course, keeping in mind that this is all, very hypothetical." Gaara nodded slowly, though he had a pretty good idea of who 'friend A' was now.

Naruto went on explaining the misadventures of 'friend A', 'friend B', and 'ass-tard' while Gaara listened intently, keeping emotionless throughout the whole story.

"So, now, of course, the logical thing to do would be for friend A to decline ass-tard's invitation, because he's not frickin' gay, and he doesn't like him. But for the sake of the bet, it'd make more sense for friend A to accept the fucking bas- er, ass-tard's proposal. Once again, remember that this is all, very hypothetical, I was wondering what you think friend A should do."

However, before the redhead could formulate a proper reply, the door to the balcony opened and Sai stepped out.

"Ohayo Naruto-chan!" Naruto growled cutely at the association of the female suffix with his name. "I knew I'd find you here."

Sai threw a quick look at Gaara and a small, questioning smile spread over his face.

"And you are…?"

"Oh, right, I almost forgot! Sai, this is Gaara Sabaku, my childhood friend. He's…" Naruto chewed on his bottom lip, trying to think of a good word to describe the redhead. "Well, he's kind of intense… but cool." He finished lamely.

Sai extended a hand towards the redhead, which was ignored. "Pleasure to meet you, Gaara-sempai, is it?"

Gaara indicated a 'yes' with a nod of his head, and continued to observe the other boy as he made himself comfortable beside 'Naruto-chan'. Gaara couldn't help but find himself slightly interested in this Sai character; the way his almost plastic smile had turned into a genuine one when he looked at Naruto.

"So, Naruto-kun, anything new with the Sasuke-situation?" Gaara's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Unless there was some other 'situation' that Gaara had yet to learn of, he had a pretty good guess of who friend-B and ass-tard was now.

"Actually, I was asking Gaara's opinion on something before you came in." Naruto turned so that he was facing Gaara. "So, what do you think I should- I mean, friend A should do?"

Sai cocked his head to the side and gave the redhead a searching stare. Gaara ignored him, and paused slightly before making his reply.

"Assuming that friend A isn't interested in this… ass-tard boy," Naruto opened his mouth, an indignant expression on his face, but quickly bit back his retort. "It seems that the most logical thing for friend A to do at this point is to accept the invitation, and go out with him. So he can win this bet and move on with his life." Sai's eyes widened as understanding flooded his features.

"Naruto-kun, I don't really think you should do this."

"Wha- Sai, you don't even know what we're talking about!"

"Uchiha-san asked you out, ne?" Naruto's jaw dropped.

"H-how did you-"

"I don't think you should do it, Naruto-kun." Naruto's eyes narrowed and widened in succession as a triumphant smile spread across his features.

"Aha! Of course you wouldn't want me to, because you know I'd win the bet if I did it!"

"Naruto-kun, this is Sasuke we're talking about, I really don't think-"

"Oooh, somebody's starting to look a little bit _nervous_!" Naruto chanted in a singsong voice, teasing the increasingly panicked raven.

"No, Naruto, I'm wor-" Sai was beginning to sound slightly desperate.

"Well, that settles it! I'm going to go out with the bastard and win this stupid bet once and for all! Yosh!"

Sai's mouth opened and closed, completely at a loss for words as the blond broke out into a celebratory dance.

Gaara studied the situation with acute interest; the bewildered look on Sai's face and the victorious smile on the blond's. Things were going to get a lot more bothersome.

Maybe he should've just stayed in the States.

---

Sasuke walked around the halls aimlessly, feeling vaguely annoyed.

Who the hell was this Gaara guy? What was his connection with Naruto? Why, _why_ did the blond touch the redhead as soon as he came in? Going so far as to tackle him to the ground and press their bodies together. (Sasuke refused to acknowledge that it was 'just' a hug, his possessive side boiling at the thought of someone else touching _his_ dobe.)

Sasuke paused in mid-step, the corners of his mouth tugging downwards in a small frown.

_His_ dobe? When was the dobe… _his_?

Sure, he enjoyed playing with the obnoxious blond, but he sure as hell wasn't going to claim the boy as his property anytime soon.

This was just a game, that's all, it wasn't like he was legit falling for the blond… not after a kiss.

A kiss…

Sasuke suddenly remembered the way Naruto's lips worked against his own, his inexperience that almost made the passionate gesture 'cute', the way the soft golden tresses felt as he slid his fingers through them…

Sasuke smirked. This was definitely physical. Sure, he hadn't felt like this when he was with his previous partners, but it just meant Naruto was more attractive.

He nodded to himself. Asking the blond out was the right thing to do, he'll have the blond falling for him in no time…

A blond blur shot out from an intersecting hallway.

"Gah, teme! There you are!" Naruto was panting slightly. "I accept!"

The others around the hall began to murmur at this, rumours of a fight between the two erupted.

"I'll go on a date with you!"

A shrill scream was heard further down the hall way followed by a dull thud; Sakura-chan had fainted.

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise before settling back into its original state. He broke into a smug smile.

"Good."

* * *

Uhm, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (SORRY FOR THE SHORTNESS), but I wanted to save the date scene for next chapter, so, please bear with me.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I'll try to update A.S.A.P.!

Tata!~


	5. Oh dear me, date time!

Hey guys!

I'm so incredibly sorry for the slow update (especially after how I said I'd 'update soon' the last chapter. I really am a hypocrite, aren't I?). This chapter was so, ridiculously hard to write that I'd been stuck on it for around two months without any progress.

Well, at any rate, it's done now! I hope the long-er-ness can make up for the wait (and maybe the contents too? 8D).

Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.

* * *

"Gaara!" Naruto whined, tugging harshly on the redhead's arm. "You have to help me! Sai won't say anything useful, so you're the only one I have!"

Gaara threw a quick look at the raven, who sat cross-legged and facing the wall; a small, thoughtful frown on his face. He turned around with the mention of his name.

"Naruto-kun, I'm really not trying to– "

"Tell me the truth, Gaara." Naruto continued, ignoring the complaints from the sulking raven. "I need to know!"

The redhead sighed, and made a move to get up off the bed. The blond quickly dragged him back down, leeching himself tightly on to the other boy's body.

"I'm not letting go until you tell me!" Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Which colour should I wear? Red, blue, orange, white, or black?"

"I don't care." Gaara stared unblinkingly at the blond, whom was starting to grate on his nerves. He had just finished moving into the house yesterday (which proved to be quite a strain both physically, and mentally what with Naruto's non-stop babbling) and had been looking forward to some alone time in his new room. His fantasy was effectively crushed when the blond barged into his room, and threatened to shit on the carpets if Gaara didn't 'come to his room and help him, right now!'

"Which colour?"

Gaara closed his eyes, forcing himself to stay calm. A double homicide the first day in his new house… Something in the back of his mind purred in pleasure before he reluctantly decided against the idea. It simply wouldn't do.

Remembering what his previous few psychiatrists had told him to do when overwhelmed with the sudden urge to kill: he took a deep breath, and began a silent mantra in his head.

_Hurting others won't solve my problems. Peace. Love. Respect._

"Let go."

"C'mon, I only need two seconds!"

_Killing others won't… Killing?_ He paused. _No. No, no. Calm, Gaara, calm._

"Whoa, Gaara, there's a huge-ass vein popping out on your forehead! Is Sai starting to annoy you too?"

Gaara felt a crucial need to stop the blond from saying anymore, for his own well being.

"The red." Naruto's face lit up, an excited grin spread across his features.

"Really, you sure? The red? 'Cause I thought it kind of clashed with my eyes a bit, you know. Are you really putting your heart into this?" Gaara quickly twisted his hands around the bed poles (in an effort to keep them from twisting around something _else_). "I feel like you're just saying it to shut me up."

"Orange."

"But you just said red!"

"They're all pretty ugly."

The blond's jaw dropped, and his hold slackened as he digested what exactly Gaara was going at. Taking advantage of the boy's indignant state, the redhead wrenched himself out of Naruto's grip, and had just managed to push himself up when he was viciously pulled back down onto the bed by the collar of his shirt.

"What do you mean, 'they're all pretty _ugly_'?! Look, all I wanted you to do was help me decide on a colour for this stupid date so he'll li- so I can win the bet!" Naruto reddened as he quickly covered up the unintentional slip.

"Naruto, maybe you should just let Gaara-sempai go, you're overrea –"

"Shut up, Sai!"

"According to 'Understanding the Young Adolescent Heart—"

"I don't care about your stupid book!"

The vein on Gaara's head pulsed dangerously, turning a puce-like colour.

"Let. Me. Go."

"No! Just listen to me first!"

"_I need to go piss._" Gaara hissed out, his mint-green eyes flashing. Naruto quickly relinquished his hold and watched with wide, fearful eyes as the redhead made his way towards the door, paused, threw a glare at Sai that clearly read 'fix this' before slamming the door shut. A rather awkward silence ensued.

"Ugh, this sucks." Naruto grumbled, flipping himself on his back. It was ridiculous; how _dare_ Gaara act like Naruto was the one getting all worked up over this when he, so obviously, was not! Like hell he gave a damn about the date, he wasn't even the one who raised the invitation in the first place; it was the stupid duck-butt for God's sake! He just accepted because he wanted to win the bet, not because of any other reasons…

Well, that is to say, he would be lying if he said he didn't feel the small pangs of emotion that streaked across his chest every time he imagined the Uchiha finding out about this. He had convinced himself it was fear, but he couldn't deny that there was something else there too; something that felt more acrid than fear; something that made his heart clench every time he thought too much about it.

Shaking his head violently from side to side, he tried to dispel these thoughts from his mind. It was guilt, that's what it was. Besides, none of that mattered if he won! Good Lord, a year's supply of ramen and a date with Sakura-chan, think of all the possibilities!

Romantic, candlelit dinners in which the appetizer, main course, and dessert consisted of ramen, taking erotic baths with Sakura-chan in ramen, making love with ramen—with _Sakura_ in the ramen…

He would not lose this bet, why; he couldn't lose! Smiling to himself absentmindedly, he began dreaming of various scenarios in which the words 'Sakura-chan' and 'ramen' were used together in the same sentence (occasionally omitting out the 'Sakura-chan').

"Naruto," Sai started, breaking into the blond's train of thought. "You win."

Naruto slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, a dreamy expression on his face.

"Ein?"

"The bet, you win." Naruto sat there; grinning stupidly for a while before realization of what Sai had said slowly sank in.

"Whu- I mean, what? What are you talking about?"

"I said, 'you win the bet', Naruto-kun." Sai repeated, a strangely triumphant expression on his face for someone who just conceded defeat. "So now you don't have to go on the date with Sasuke anymore."

Naruto's brain whirled at this information, the gears working overdrive as he tried to process what this meant.

1) Free ramen; for a _year_

2) A date with an attractive, incredibly well endowed female

3) No more little hallway 'rendezvous' or need for dates with Sasuke (he ignored the small pang in his heart)

4) No possibilities of half-naked-penis-dangling dates with Sai

It was almost too-good-to-be-true, this dream-like circumstance he was entrusted with. He almost, _almost_ didn't know what to make of it.

Sai watched silently as his best friend's eyes widened and narrowed in succession, a frown marring his pretty features while he formulated some sort of a conclusion. An accusatory finger was jabbed in Sai's direction.

"Pahah! You almost got me there, Sai (I won't lie), but it's going to take more than a few flimsy words to fool the great Uzumaki Naruto! You just want me to believe that I'm the winner, while secretly making me out to be the 'loser', because I was unable to go through with the conditions of this bet!" Naruto unleashed a gloating laugh, passing off the incredulous expression on Sai's face as good acting. "Well, well, well. Who's the stupid one now?"

While the raven could not deny the fact that he most likely would've looked for some loophole to make Naruto go out with him afterwards, it surprised him that the blond was able to figure this out. He'd expected the idiot to be so excited with the victory that he held no other suspicions (Sai had no problems acknowledging the fact that he was ready to manipulate his friend's innocence at the first chance). It was almost like the blond was trying to look for a way out of this.

Passing a glance over the stubborn expression on the boy's face, Sai knew it would be hopeless to try to argue some sense into him. He contemplated whether it would be worth it to just repeatedly smack the top of the blond's head with a heavy (preferably hardcover and 600 paged or more) medical dictionary of some sort, purely for stress-releasing purposes of course.

"There's no way you're going to trick me into going on some kind of perverted, half-naked date with you, baka!" Naruto grinned cockily, pleased with his own brilliance.

Sai, however, was not smiling. Did this mean that the prospect of going on a date with him was worse than being with the Uchiha?

"Now c'mon Sai, stop moping around thinking of ways to make me lose when you know it's over. Just suck it up and help me man, this is important! Red, blue, orange, white, or black?" The blond proceeded by diving into the large heaps of clothes that was his wardrobe; a few stray shirts were thrown across the room before he resurfaced, looking curiously at Sai when he realized that the other boy hadn't followed.

"You okay?"

Sai didn't reply, choosing instead to stare hard into Naruto's eyes.

"Do dislike being around me?"

And before Sai could fathom what exactly had happened, he found himself tackled on to the floor, a slight weight on his stomach as Naruto straddled him from above. Unable to speak (Sai had entered into something of a state of shock) he simply stared, mesmerized, into the blond's eyes, watching as Naruto's face neared his own. The blond was close enough that Sai could count the long, feminine eyelashes that extended from his eyes; almost lick the whisker marks that were on his cheek…

Bonk.

…

'Bonk'?

Sai stared into the to azure eyes in confusion, only to realize that, no, Naruto-kun was not coming in to ask Sai to teach him how exactly two men would have pleasure together (in which Sai would've happily obliged with a few physical demonstrations), but had simply pressed their foreheads together. Despite this, Sai couldn't help it as his heart thumped loudly against his chest, his face beginning to heat up at their proximity.

They stayed in the intimate position for a few more seconds before Naruto broke the moment.

"Well," The blond began, pushing himself off a slightly disappointed Sai. "You definitely don't have a fever, though your face is really red... Anyways, don't ask me stupid stuff like that; of course I like hanging with you! You're my best friend!"

The raven felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off his chest, which, in turn, made him wonder of the exact extent of his feelings towards the blond. But it would be hopeless to think on it too much. It was enough for now, being friends. It was enough.

Naruto's phone lit up, and began to vibrate on his nightstand. Jumping up and onto his bed, he quickly slid it open.

"Hey, Uzumaki-san here!" There was an amused snort from the other end of the line.

"I'm coming in ten minutes, dobe."

"Who– What?" Naruto stared at his phone, a bewildered expression on his face; the bastard had hanged up already. Blushing furiously, he spun around; crazed eyes locking on to the sole boy in the room.

"Sai, _help me_!"

---

Having finally gotten dressed (with some reluctant assistance from Sai), Naruto sat fidgeting nervously on the living room couch. Sneaking a quick glance at his watch – Sasuke was late, the bastard – he decided he would go get something to drink (you know, calm the nervous, not that he was particularly nervous, of course). As he stood up and let out an exaggerated yawn, he saw a black Mercedes enter his driveway out of the corner of his eyes. Sasuke was here.

Suddenly beginning to panic, Naruto wondered if this was a good idea after all, and if he should just abandon the plan altogether. Worst comes to worst, he'll buy the ramen himself (he's been doing it for the past 16 years anyways), and besides, Sakura-chan's chest wasn't _that_ big.

_"… you have to go on a date with me, half-naked."_

An unbidden image of him and Sai, hand in hand, skipping through a field of daisies flashed in his mind, 'Naruto junior' flapping out and about in the wind.

His confidence quickly returned (screaming). Taking in a huge breath, he ran a hand through his hair, and hastily smoothed down the front of his shirt before preparing himself in front of the door. Backing out now was _not_ an option.

Muttering a quick prayer under his breath – I want to stay a virgin – Naruto pulled the door open, and felt his heart skip a beat at the sight standing in front of him.

Sasuke was dressed in a plum coloured button-up with a slim, white silk tie hanging loosely around his neck. A pair of slightly baggy grey skinny jeans and black Nike Airforce© completed the outfit. Naruto's tongue darted out to swipe away a dribble of drool that formed at the corners of his mouth, the only coherent thoughts in his mind being 'Hamana-hamana-hamana".

The Uchiha let out a satisfied smirk. So the blond liked what he saw, huh?

Leaning in so that his face was only inches from Naruto's (who's eyes were looking rather unfocused), he blew on the latter's lips.

Jerking violently away from the Uchiha as though he'd been shocked, Naruto had a scandalized expression on his face.

"What—what are you, don't, don't do things like, you—!" He sputtered indignantly, his face turning into the shade of tomato-red it was customarily in when he was with the perverted (molesting, stupid, cocky, etc.) raven.

"You're blushing like crazy, dumbass." Sasuke's face was beginning to resemble that of the Cheshire cat's as Naruto's blush darkened a shade. "Do you like me that much?"

However, the blond was saved from answering when one of the bedroom doors behind him was suddenly thrust opened, and Gaara stepped out.

The three stood in silence, the smirk slowly slipping off the Uchiha's face. Gaara, on the other hand, was feeling increasingly amused. A mischievous grin flashed across his face.

_When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you two gays… go knock yourself out._

"Hello," Gaara began, focusing solely on the raven. "I'm guessing you're Sasuke?"

Sasuke replied with a curt nod.

"And you are…?" Gaara smiled. He had a feeling that the Uchiha knew _exactly_ who he was, and that the question he had meant to ask was, 'why the hell are you here?'.

"I'm Gaara." He replied, savouring his words. "I live with Naruto." Gaara thought he saw the raven tense up.

Feeling a sudden burst of inspiration (and perhaps a touch of sadism), Gaara strode over to the blond and wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist, leaning his head on the poor, confused boy's shoulders. Sasuke twitched.

The Uchiha glared menacingly at the redhead, and though he wasn't quite sure why he was feeling so incredibly annoyed, he knew that he definitely wanted the other boy's arms _off his blond_. Taking two rapid steps forward, he reached out and grabbed one of Naruto's arms, pulling the boy towards himself. Gaara held on tight.

Naruto was at a complete loss to what was happening right now. Gaara hugged him, which was really weird, because Gaara wasn't really one for touching, and so it'd always been Naruto who initiated any type of intimate gesture between them. But he didn't have too much time to ponder the subject as his right arm (the one which Sasuke was still gripping on to tightly) began to sting.

"Sasuke…" He was ignored. "Ow. Hey, it's starting to hurt! _Ouch_, Gaara!" The redhead crushed him harder against his chest.

"Guys, I can't breath." There was no response. "Oi, guys?"

"I- kch- LET GO OF ME DAMN IT!" The blond shouted, wrenching himself away from their vice-like grip. He rubbed his arm where the Uchiha had been holding on to; it was red. "What's wrong with you two? Don't pull on people like that!"

Neither of the two boys said anything for a while, and, beginning to feel slightly anxious, Naruto decided to make a quick escape.

"Well, I guess we should probably go now," The blond quickly opened his arms for a goodbye hug from the redhead, only to find himself being dragged towards the door by Sasuke. "Ah, wait… Never mind, bye Gaara! Ja!" The door slammed shut behind him.

Gaara remained standing where he was, wondering why the hell he just did what he did. Deciding to blame it on the lack of sleep, he turned around and made his way upstairs to tell Sai to go back to his own stupid house.

---

Naruto snuck a peek at the boy sitting across from him, who had yet to say anything since they got into the car.

"Sasuke — "

"Why's he there?"

"Who, Gaara?" He took the sharp jerk of the head from the raven to mean a 'yes'. "Well, we've been friends forever, so when he told me he moved here 'cause his siblings went to America for college, I asked him to move in with us."

Sasuke loosened his grip slightly on the steering wheel. _Friends_ forever, huh?

"What, are you jealous or something?" When the Uchiha didn't say anything in reply to this, Naruto quickly changed the subject. "So, uh, where are we going anyways?"

"You'll see."

"Wha- hey! Tell me! I don't want you to take me to some empty parking lot and like, rape me or something." Naruto joked, blanching when her realized that Sasuke remained expressionless. "H-hello?"

"I bought lube."

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

---

What felt like hours later (which was around fifteen minutes in reality), Sasuke pulled the car to a stop and Naruto jerked awake, a trail of slobber splatting onto the perfectly cleaned windshield.

"We der yeh (we there yet)?" He mumbled, using one hand to rub his still groggy eyes, the other stretched sideways in a one-armed yawn. The raven chuckled before replying.

"Yes." Immediately perking up at the response, Naruto promptly smashed his head onto the ceiling of the car in an attempt to stand up (having momentarily forgotten he was in the Mercedes), and came down swearing profusely.

"God damn this shit!" He growled, one hand gently nursing the bruise on his head. "C'mon, let's go then!"

He pulled (non-too-gently) on the car door, and gave it a violent shove. It didn't budge. Figuring that he'd forgotten to unlock it or something, he played around with a few random knobs before admitting defeat.

"What the hell is wrong with your car?" The blond grumbled, the nervousness and excitement coupled with the newly formed bruise on his head not helping his already on-edge temper. "Why won't it—"

Naruto shut up as a dark figure loomed over him, and he felt cold hands beside his own. Sasuke was leaning over him.

The anger dissipated as he realized what was about to happen.

Sasuke was going to touch him. Here! In the middle of the parking lot, where… okay, there was surprisingly little amount of people. But that wasn't the point; he couldn't do this, not now! He wasn't even ready, or gay! Well, at least there was lube— no, NO! Where the hell did that come from? He didn't want this, he didn't!

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and pushed his hands out in front of him. It was now or never…

"I'm sorry but I can't have sex with you in a parking lot!" The Uchiha paused, and emitted a sound that was somewhere in between an amused snort and a laugh.

"I was going to take off the child-safety latch that you hit earlier when you were sleeping, dumbass." Sasuke leaned in a little bit closer to the blond. "What, were you hoping I'd do something else?"

It was as though he'd just seen a ghost. Mumbling incoherently under his breath, Naruto pushed the smirking raven off him and quickly exited the car, slamming the door in the smug Uchiha's face.

"I fucking hate you, you asswipe!"

---

Naruto was irritated.

He had snuffed in impatience when the waiter had told them that all the tables were full, ignored the compliments of the girl who checked their coats, and as they were finally settled down to a table, he sat and glowered at the plates. It was _unbelievable_; the way the stupid self-satisfied jerk looked so comfortable in his stupid chair, with that stupid smirk, and his stupid good looks that turned the gazes of anyone who walked by.

He glared at the waitress as she came with their menus, causing her to stumble in fright and sneered as she scrambled away in embarrassment, without even naming the specials.

"And here I thought you were a ladies man." Naruto scowled at him, but remained otherwise silent. "Still embarrassed about that little slip earlier?"

Deciding to take the abuse no longer, Naruto shot forward to the edge of his seat and was about to give the raven a piece of his mind when he felt their knees brush against each other. Letting out a few choice words, he quickly pushed his chair backwards with a loud screech, earning a few offended glares from the other customers.

"Idiot." Naruto snapped his head up with a crack.

"Bastard!"

"Retard."

"Asshole!"

"Wh-wh-what would you like to order?"

"I'll have the Truffle Risotto." Sasuke replied, not missing a beat.

"Contro Filetto Scalini for me. Thank you… er, Hinata, is it?" Naruto squinted at the name tag, and flashed a quick smile at the girl.

"Y-your welcome!" The waitress squeaked before running off towards the kitchens, glad to be out of the tense atmosphere.

The two did not speak while they waited for their food, and as the waitress came up with their respective dishes, Naruto quickly dug in.

A few minutes later, having finished most of his steak, the blond was beginning to see things in a better light (good food always calmed him down), and decided to strike up a conversation with his partner.

"So, Sasuke." He worked his knife through another piece of the steak. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

The raven quirked an eyebrow at this, he had assumed they were both quite effectively grown up already, but he replied anyways.

"A lawyer." Naruto's fork froze halfway to his mouth, and he began to snicker loudly. Sasuke frowned.

"What?"

"Nothing…" He had to put his fork down; he was starting to shake with barely contained giggles. "It's just… I can see you as a lawyer."

Sasuke gave him a questioning look.

"No, it's just kind of funny. Figures you'd go for a profession where you get paid for arguing with other people." The Uchiha smirked, waiting for the blond to chew through the rest of his steak.

"How about you, dobe?" Naruto thrust his chest out, having obviously been waiting to be asked the question, a serious expression on his face.

"The president." Sasuke choked on his drink. "What? You don't think I can do it? I can do it, you know! I mean, sure my marks may be hovering around the low 60s range, but that doesn't mean anything!"

"Well…" The raven paused. "You'd certainly make an interesting president."

Naruto grinned at this. "I sure as hell would!"

The two stared at each other in a curious, albeit not uncomfortable, silence before Naruto broke it.

"You know, you're a pretty decent guy Sasuke." The raven arched a brow. "You're actually not as bad as I thought."

"Is that a line to try to get me in bed with you?" A thigh pushed in between Naruto's legs.

"Augh! Screw you, I take it back! Don't touch me you perverted asshole!"

---

Sai paced to and fro in Naruto's room, occasionally taking a peek out the window followed by a sharp glance at the watch.

_10:45_

He growled softly. It was already dark out side, where the hell were they? Was Naruto enjoying himself? Did the Uchiha bastard touch him again? Did Naruto touch the bastard?

He pressed a hand against his temple. The massive amount of unanswered questions in his head wasn't helping his anxiety. Perhaps the blond had fallen for Sasuke, like some kind of love-struck fangirl? Sai almost laughed aloud at the thought. Now that was just ridiculous.

But why were they still not back yet? Maybe they had an argument in the restaurant, and were currently fighting it out now. Maybe Naruto realized that he hated the bastard so much he decided to leave him in the middle of their date, and the angry Uchiha had then dumped his best friend at some random bus stop, thousands of miles away, and the poor blond was now trudging alone down an empty path, dozens of malicious eyes peeking out at his sleek, tanned body from the darkness…

Sai grabbed his jacket from the bed. He was going to go out and look for them, right now. Anything was better than staying here alone with his thoughts, not having any idea of what was happening.

However, before he could make his way out of the room, the sound of car tires against gravel approached slowly, and he backtracked his way towards the windows.

---

Naruto stood with his back to the door, feeling suddenly shy as he prepared to say good-bye to the Uchiha. My God, he really was turning into a girl.

Summoning up his courage, he bought his head up to stare into the raven's eyes, only to find that the object of his scrutiny was staring somewhere else. At one of the upper-left windows that led to his room…

"Hey, what are you looking at?" Naruto inquired, and before he received a proper answer, he found himself pressed against the door, a pair of soft lips worked expertly against his own.

His hands pushed weakly against Sasuke's chest, moaning softly as the raven ran a hand through his hair, and felt a wet tongue prod urgently against his own lips.

The last coherent thought that flashed through his mind being '_Fuck it_', he opened his mouth and shivered in pleasure as their tongues met and fought for dominance. He grabbed a fistful of the raven's shirt and attempted to pull their bodies closer together.

Sasuke used his right hand to pull Naruto's head back for better entrance, earning another moan from the blond. He entwined their legs together, and gave an experimental roll of the hips.

The response he'd earned was immediate, Naruto whimpered loudly and his hips jerked forward automatically, seeking more of the delicious friction. Yet Sasuke knew that if he didn't stop now, he'd end up taking the blond on the porch. It took all his self-control to push himself away from the other boy.

Looking upwards in surprise, Naruto received a quick, chaste kiss before hearing the words "I'll save the rest for our second date, dobe…" and he found himself standing alone, panting slightly as he watched the Mercedes pull out of his driveway.

_Well I'll be damned._

_

* * *

_

Ho, ho, hohohoho! I hope that was a satisfactory chapter (hopefully to your liking). I know the, er, more intimate scene at the end was a little bit rushed (I'm not so great at them, as you can probably tell), so any constructive criticism is appreciated.

A beta reader would be appreciated too.

Thanks for reading! I'll try to... well, there are exams coming up soon, so it'll be a little while before the next chapter comes out (I will not lie this time!), but I shall try my best.

Tata!


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